Game of Porcelain Thrones

Game of Porcelain Thrones

Game of Thrones fever has seized the world in anticipation and reception of the final season of the epic fantasy TV show. In Cersei’s famous words: “if you play the game of thrones, you either win or you die.” That’s quite morbid. For us though, if you play the game of thrones, you either win or you’re grossed out.  And no, we’re not referring to the iron throne but rather, the Porcelain Throne., you know, that special place in your house from where you reign tall!

To sit atop the porcelain throne is to command legions of pent up indigestion, to muster the forces of your stomach to release the cannons and flood the shores and walls of porcelania (sic) with your grace. To do this successfully, however, you need an awesome throne room. So here we are, to present awesome ways you can make your reign, royal and truly supreme. A true king does everything in style, including taking a much-needed dump.

Read on oh ye Wildlings, Night Walkers, First Men, nobles and peasants for tips on how you can make your porcelain throne rooms true marvels for when thine stomachs go a-grumbling!

1. Paint, Stencil or Wallpaper

bathroom wallpaper for porcelain throne

If you’re going to drop a deuce, you should look good while at it, or your potty chamber should, at least. Drab walls and boring tiles make for an unpleasant and uninspiring experience. Throw on a fresh coat of paint, something that sets the mood for your great appointment. If that’s too much work, try some wallpaper or some stencils. You’re royalty and your throne room has to look the part!

2. Hang Some Art

art filled bathroom

Image via The Spruce

How many washrooms do you see art in? Why not join the novelty club and hang up some art?  The right print can work magic in your dank and boring washroom. It can take all the attention away from tired tiles and crappy walls. It could stimulate your imagination transporting you on an epic adventure while you’re on the porcelain throne, erhm, dispensing your royal justice.

3. Rug Up Your Floors

Don’t leave your floors bare. Lay down an unexpected rug, something that has your spark and is glorious to behold. Don’t forget to get something soft for your feet. Be sure to add a gripping mat or rug tape to the bottom to prevent slipping. According to The Spruce, oriental, tribal, striped and geometric patterns are just a few ideas for rugs that can transform the look of a bathroom.

4. Incorporate House Plants

Bohemian houseplant for porcelain throne

Image via The Spruce

Getting a few plants can really transform your throne room into a funky oasis. It’ll set you in tune with nature and more colour and texture to your potty.  What better way to attend nature’s call than in nature? Plus, not only do house plants release oxygen into the air, but some also filter the air of impurities including guess what, foul odours!

5. Make the Extra Rolls of Toilet Paper a Design Asset

mediaval toilet paper holder for porcelain throne

Don’t leave extra rolls of toilet paper on top of your cistern. Design is always waiting to happen and those extra rolls are literally begging to help spruce up your porcelain throne room as well. According to the Times of San Diego, “a pretty basket, funny holder or vintage bucket can turn these simple rolls into a little design element”. We couldn’t agree more.

6. Mounted Air Dispenser

air dispenser for the porcelain throne room

In Game of Thrones, when a Tyrell farts, it smells like a rose supposedly. But this can’t be true as the lady of House Tyrell, Olenna debunks it by saying, “I have a golden rose painted on my chamber pot. As if that makes it smell any better. Roses are boring, dear”. All of this is to say, please, oh please, get an air freshener, ideally, a wall mounted automatic perfume dispenser. After all, poop is always going to smell how poop’s going to smell.

Followed all these tips? Great, you’re ready now to not only play the game of thrones but to actually win it and in style. A flush is coming!

Article put together with references from The Spruce, Times of San Diego and Allure.